Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
