She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
