Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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