I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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