Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Randomize
