So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
