Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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