i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
