sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
