last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
