I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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