So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
