you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
