So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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