can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Randomize
