apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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