I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
