Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
