good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize