all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My vagina just clenched in fear
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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