After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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