I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
