party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
