$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
