Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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