his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
