So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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