I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
