im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
