and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There's always time for handjobs
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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