Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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