plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
