My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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