she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
