2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
