My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
