Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
