If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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