I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
