I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
