I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
