He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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