FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
