i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
