I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
