I heard we made out
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
