I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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