We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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