What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
