What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
