You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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