bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
