Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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