and you said cock pushups were impossible
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
