he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
