Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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