We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
