that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i love accidental penises.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
