U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
honey bunches of taint.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
