hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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