Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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