Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
