I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Randomize