Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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