OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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