South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
