I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
