your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
